How does it feel to have a father?
I never had one, I mean, he passed away two months after I was born, died in a very tragic accident, so I never had the chance to meet him, but anyways, I don’t wanna discuss that, it’s too heartbreaking. :)
I don’t miss my dad, I mean, how could I? I never met him, I barely don’t even know him. When I was still in kindergarten, we had this activity asking us to draw a happy family (even had that ‘Father And Mother I Love You’ thing) we were supposed to draw our family, mom, dad, brothers, sisters… Unfortunately, I was the only kid in the block who doesn’t have a father… I drew mom, grandma, bro, and sis, but never a dad. My teacher asked me why I didn’t draw dad, and to be honest, I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know the answer, I was too young to understand…too confused to comprehend…
Mom never told me about dad till I reached 7 or so, I understand her, I avoided topics about my father meself, I never asked, it felt so awkward. Up until now, still wouldn’t ask about dad, how could I talk something about him if I didn’t even know him. If I were an emo-drama queen, I would’ve told myself I had a melodramatic childhood tragedy, lol. I admit that I remember staring at his pictures for hours, wondering how would it feel like to have him as a father, to get to know him better, or to just even have him around… Other times, I would stare at his pictures wondering who he was, and who he could have be.
I never had him. I never felt having a father. But what can I do? Maybe I was never meant to have a father after all.
**I was having second thoughts about creating this post because I know it will just break my heart.**
What if we just walk away?
What if we just leave our lives behind and go some place where nobody knows us, or cares about us?
….to maybe start as blank slates and correct all the flaws we have had? To start a brand new life, and to just breathe the good air?
It sounds unraveling, thinking that we might somehow find peace when we walk away, forgetting all the heartaches… leaving all the chaos and stress behind… Maybe, we’d find happiness and satisfaction, who knows? We might not be sure where to or how to, but somehow, we hope that we can just do that, to just walk away and leave everything behind.
*Photo was taken at Tabaco City Terminal, when I walked away from my life. Lol. Kidding! **
It’s very hard to choose among our choices, we have personal biases, personal wants, and sadly, there’s reality that demands us to choose the most logical thing. There are times that everything weighs equally that it seems very impossible to decide. I even sometimes end up being stressed thinking over my choices. Why is it so hard to decide? Why does it require too much thinking and all? Why can’t we just have the best choice laid before our eyes?
*skills* ahem! Haha. Aww thank you so much. :”) I am a newbie, I started just weeks ago, when I got my first smartphone since I’ve been using non-camera phones my whole life. Lol. It’s quite different from real cameras since the controls are very limited, I can barely adjust the exposure, so I think the most important things to remember when using your mobile phone are composition and proper lighting. Anyways, we can always use mobile editing apps, but make sure not to ‘over-do’ it. Avoid super saturated and over-cooked photos. Try to make it as natural as possible.
Yesterday jogging at Legazpi Boulevard.
Woke up at 4:30 in the morning. We could’ve started our jogging 5:30AM but I told my friend that it would be nice if we catch sunrise. It was still very dark when we started jogging from LCC Legazpi. Light was unfolding when we reached the boulevard. There were many other joggers too. Legazpi Blvd is such a wonderful place for joggers not just because of the very wide sidewalk but also of the fantastic view of the sea and Mayon Volcano from there. Unfortunately, there was no sign of Mr. Sun yesterday…
We sat by the seashore for awhile to rest, talked about random stuffs, and breathed in some fresh air. It feels great sitting there after the long jog, I felt refreshed and revitalized, it’s as if my body was completely a new one, healthy, energetic, and fit. :D
My friend and I decided that we will do this more often since most of our classes will start in the afternoon. I decided that from now on, I will start living a healthy lifestyle.
It’s very easy to forget the good things someone has done for us. No matter how significant that was, it comes to the point that we disregard everything. We forget to acknowledge the moments when that someone somehow made us happy in the past. No matter how hard we try to calm our nerves, the depth of the present wound refuses to heal, and it just gets deeper and deeper. Sometimes, we even regret that we accepted the happiness that person gave us, it feels disgusting to think about it. Somehow, deep inside our consciousness, we hurt too much because we felt betrayed and fooled.
What is not right with chasing my dreams? What is not right with making MD, RMT labels as my motivations? What is not right with becoming who I want to be?
Label myself with something I am not? Don’t worry anon, I WILL BE… I will see to it that it will happen so you don’t sue me anymore :) Bbye.
Random Fact: Whenever I feel lonely, I look over old photographs.
I don’t know if it is just me, but it became my habit to look at old photographs whenever I feel desolate. I have a great collection of photos saved in my laptop— from high school days up to the present. Instead of feeling nostalgic and sentimental, there is a surge of happiness and delight that runs through me whenever I see old faces and friends. It brings me back to the happy memories and oblivious days. I vividly recall how happy I were in the photos and how delightful I was to be with them. The sadness I am feeling at the present is replaced by an inexplicable glee.
I am a girl with big dreams. Don’t ruin it, just get over it. Please? Thank you. :)
Oo. May angal ka po? :)
Today, we did nothing but silhouettes. :)
Several failed jump shots, beads of sweat, but the shoot must go on. I’m glad they did everything I told them to, pose and jump, even if I was having a hard time capturing the jump shots because I was only using my phone. All I need nowadays are willing subjects to pose for me (hehe). My two cousins are doing me a great favor. Huuuu. But they don’t regret any of it. They said sunrise is just about the most wonderful thing that’s ever happening these days. I’m glad they’re starting to appreciate it, I want them to grow up chasing for sunrises and sunsets and to know how wonderful it is to enjoy its magnificence.
Have a great day!
We deal with different problems everyday, sometimes we become afraid and uncertain of what worse will come next. It’s very difficult to face it, especially if we’re not holding on to something. It shatters us thinking that we’re on our own, sometimes we prefer to just thaw from it, leaving it to just break us apart. We sometimes forget to be strong, we just let it ruin and take over our life.
I am using a Nikon D3000 with 18-55mm, and my 5MP CM Flare which is handy and reliable. I am planning to get myself a 50mm or a 3-in-1 magnetic lens for my phone tho. :)
